Wrestlemania XXX Predictions, Part 1

Happy Wrestlemania Eve, wrestling fans.

We’re a day away from the biggest show of the year and I am, for lack of a better word, HYPED for the show. Despite how I feel about the card being one of the weaker total cards in recent years, WWE has two history making stories going into the show. Wrestlemania, for me, has always signified the start of the new year of wrestling. New stories and (hopefully) new stars will take center stage and take the spots that are rightfully theirs.  Sunday will be a lazy day of junk food eating and enjoying as much wrestling action as I can on the Network and Twitter. No matter what happens, it’s going to be an exciting day.

That being said, I cannot pretend to be excited for everything on the show. Because I’m not. 85% of this show is filler to me. Not a great feeling when you think about the fact that this is WRESTLEMANIA and this show is lacking the jazz (pizzazz?) and the overall sparkle of past Wrestlemania’s.

But. What we get is what we’re getting. So enough with the chatter! It’s nearly WRESTLEMANIA TIME, and it’s time for me to break down what I think will be the results of the 30th year of the wrestling show that gets better each year. For two matches on this show, I hope my predictions become reality.

This list is in order of cares. Least at the top, most at the bottom.

All photos provided by WWE.com.

The Undertaker vs Brock Lesnar

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I have tried very hard to care about Brock vs Taker, the match. But I don’t. Here’s why.
Brock Lesnar, to me, is a monster. He is physically imposing, mean, and one of the more naturally brutal forces to enter WWE in a long time.He defines bad ass. He “broke” HHH’s arm and has made life miserable for his opponents. He even took CM Punk to his limit in a very good match at Summerslam from last year. From everything that we know about Lesnar now, he should destroy Taker and break the streak. As much as I’d like to pretend that the streak is in jeopardy because Taker is wrestling Brock Lesnar and that’s “scary” because Brock is going to KILL TAKER, it’s not.

Had this been the Brock Lesnar that ran with whole tree trunks on his shoulders and causally sat in ice baths, I would be more inclined to believe that he had a shot at taking down the streak. But this is not that Brock. Instead of super tough Brock that reddens when he angers, we’ve been treated to a Brock totally incapacitated and intimidated by the mere appearance of the Taker. He’s had no chance (other than Monday’s Raw) to appear as a credible threat to Undertaker. The most interesting thing Brock has done in this entire feud is stomp on the Undertaker’s casket and take an very dangerous looking bump directly on said casket. By build up appearances, Lesnar looks goofy and unprepared for what’s coming. I’m supposed to believe that this Brock, the not so tough Brock, is going to break the streak? UNLIKELY.

The complete failure of the WWE build machine to give us a memorable story to go with this dream WM match makes me a sad panda. There are millions of directions this could’ve gone, but WWE is unable (or unwilling) to go there. Why? I will never get it. WWE’s emphasis on incomplete storytelling is comparable to me buying a really good book and ripping up the books pages before I finish the story. WWE, why do you do that?

I wish I were more excited for this match than I actually am.

Winner: The Undertaker

The Shield vs Kane and The NOA:

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While I feel overwhelming disappointment in Taker vs Brock build, I feel nothing but white hot rage at The Shield having to face NOA and Kane. As angry as I am at NOA, I have nothing but love for The Shield. They are a perfect team that has been handled perfectly by the powers that be in WWE. From a fangirl perspective, I am incredibly  happy that The Shield get to go to Wrestlemania and show off their collective talent on the big show. If anybody is deserving of a marquee match, it’s them.

No, my anger is reserved for NOA. For as much as I’ve seen their presence at WM defended, I cannot defend it this year. The NOA are a glaring example of a long standing problem in WWE. The reliance of “old guys” who are long past their shelf life due to a lack of viable under-card. WWE seems totally unable to cut the cord of reliance of men like NOA, and the fans suffer for that. Since the undercard of this Wrestlemania is looking particularly weak this year, this is my opportunity to vent my  displeasure at two men who are long past their prime getting a match on this show when I could name 5 different men in the Andre The Giant Battle Royal who deserve to be in this match AND could put on a better match than NOA are capable of giving. WWE’s reliance on old stars is a cheap, lazy way of trying to dig themselves out of a talent hole instead of doing the right thing and, you know, actually building up a decent undercard and giving them the time to shine.

In WWE’s world, it’s start and stop momentum for guys like Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow, but millions of opportunities get tossed in the direction of two men who shouldn’t even be looking in the direction of a wrestling ring, let alone actually being in one and performing. There’s no one else other than the men who aren’t on Wrestlemania that suffer, and I would prefer to see the new crop rise to the top instead of rehasing nostalgia for a lack of anything more creative. WWE, you could do better.

Winners: The Shield

 

Andre the Giant Battle Royal

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It’s a large battle royal with a giant trophy gifted to the winner, but what is this match really about? Is it a feel good match? Does the winner of this match get to go on and do something important like wrestle at SummerSlam? Because from everything I’ve heard, none of these things are happening. To me, this is an very solid group of men put in the match to grab a Mania payday. Which is great if WWE is trying to be fair. But for me, I’ve grown very tired of battle royal style matches, and I see far too many talented men in this match that could very well have their own singles match at mania instead of being lumped in with each other.

Will this be particularly memorable? I doubt it.  I don’t mean that I want this match to be bad, but these men clearly deserve much better than this. Not everyone can be at the top, but some of these men certainly don’t belong here.

Winner: Damien Sandow

 

Keep your eyes peeled for part 2 of my Wrestlemania predictions! They’re coming soon.

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