Monday Night Lessons: What I learned from needing attention, The Wisconsin IWC and Raw in general (8-5-2013)

So. Here we are. Another Raw in the record books and we’re that much closer to Summerslam.

That being said, I’m not even going to pretend that I enjoyed this week’s show. I didn’t. From the virtually silent wisconsin crowd, to the abundance of countouts and DQ’s, yesterday’s show was a baffling viewing experience.

Let’s go over the good (and bad) together.

1. An inferno match??!??

The Wyatt Family

The best news coming out of last night’s Raw is that Kane and Bray Wyatt might be competing in a ring of fire match at Summerslam.

While matches like The Elimination Chamber and Money in the Bank are familiar territory, WWE deciding on an inferno match with Kane and The Wyatt Family is the best match type that any of us could imagine.

Kane, when he isn’t cuddly, is a brutal monster. Like when he threw Rob Van Dam through a wall and set Jim Ross on fire. Unpredictable, crazy Kane is super entertaining.

Bray Wyatt is Jim Jones and every psychologically intimidating cult leader you’ve ever read about wrapped into one big package. Add in Kiran and Rowan s’s his silent but brutal partners (numbers!) and you’ve got a match with the potential to put the Wyatt’s on the map. Targeting Kane is one thing, but making me think that you have a chance of beating him when all the evidence says you shouldn’t is what makes The Wyatt Family so special.

Get excited, everyone. This match is going to be HUGE.

2. The Best vs Paul freakin Heyman next week!

This right here is one of the few things that I enjoyed last night. Punk vs Brock was sold for me when Heyman threw the ladder at Punk at MITB, but there’s always that little something extra when you get to hear Brock and Heyman speak. This promo solidifies that this Summerslam match will be as brutal as anything we’ve ever witnessed.

I can’t WAIT!

And I’ll be praying for Paul Heyman in his match next week against Punk. He’ll need all the positive energy he can get to get through that match. Our will Brock be the equalizer that we expect him to be?

3. Everything is wrong with the Diva’s division. Again.

Layla

I don’t know what it is that I don’t like about Layla teaming up with AJ, but it’s rubbing me the wrong way.

Perhaps it’s because I thought that AJ’s problem with Kaitlyn was taking her title and playing mind games with her until Kaitlyn cracked. That hasn’t happened yet, and I’m puzzled as to why that aspect of the story is off the table.

Another problem is Layla’s reason for betraying Kaitlyn. Layla simply wants attention. Okay, terrific.

Almost every single divas storyline revolves around someone wanting attention. Layla, who is beautiful and quirky, should get attention. But this story just doesn’t feel right. I like my own AJ/Layla/Kaitlyn story much better. Because my story builds to something interesting.

Layla also has zero momentum right now. How is this possible? Someone ad talented as she is should not be greeted by the sounds of crickets chirping.

These girls have the chance to make me eat my words with matches, promos and a little more betrayal. Let’s hope that happens.

I’d like to see more stuff like this only with Layla involved somehow:

4. Another awful Divas segment.

This promo is everything I hate about WWE’s attempts at writing for women. Hate, hate, hate it!

E, a network that has nothing to do with wrestling, is making stars out of these girls, but the WWE brass can’t seem to climb out of their enduring hole of sexism long enough to match a minute and thirty second diva segment worth more than a bucket of chicken at KFC.

You can only blame the talent for so long until you take a cold hard look at the situation and realize that sometimes these girls are sat up to fail. It’s an infuriating realization.

4. Daniel Bryan eating meat doesn’t make him more corporate

I understand what WWE is trying to do with Daniel by making him the guy who does what he wants and he’s the best (and hopefully will win) because of that. I get it. But I’ve been sold on Bryan vs Cena since Cena said ”I choose Daniel Bryan”

How about we spend less time on this and more time doing something other than finding sneaky ways to humiliate Wade Barrett?

5. Cody Rhodes has a present for Damien Sandow

Damien & Cody

This absolutely and totally bombed in front of the live crowd in Wisconsin last night, but I don’t care. Nothing in the world can make me hate Cody vs Damien at this point.

That being said, I’m tired of seeing my perfectly coiffed MITB pick as a disheveled mess. I can only hope that our savior has something up his sleeve next week.

6. Alberto Del Rio kicks the bucket.

Del Rio

I have big problems with WWE’s decision to break up Alberto and Ricardo. The main problem is that this little beatdown was completely unnecessary. Why did Alberto suddenly decide to beat Ricardo so viciously? It’s just bizarre.

If this leads to Ricardo interference that will eventually lead into Alberto vs Ricardo, I won’t be so upset. But I doubt that’s where this will end.

Raw overall: I hate to be the overly negative smark, but I didn’t like this show. Raw is starting to feel more and more like a burden at a three hour viewing time, and all that extra time is focused on super lengthy Cena promos and Stephanie McMahon crying backstage. You know, the stuff I don’t want to see.

Thank goodness that next week is the Summerslam go home show, because I’ve got to have a good Summerslam experience this year. WWE has some strong matches on tap for this PPV, so there’s no reason to be squandering interesting stories this late in the game.
And those are your Monday lessons.

Stay tuned for my NXT Review, and other interesting observations from the world of wrestling.

Until next time.

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Monday Night Lessons: What I learned from constant losses, TWO diva matches, and Raw in general (7-29-2013)

While the rest of the world cries into its collective coffee about another week of work/school/life, come Monday night, wrestling fans are given a much-needed reprieve. Raw, whether good or bad, always gives us something to talk about. Yesterday’s show was no exception.

Last night’s episode gifted us a Table match, Daniel Bryan vs Kane (!!!!!!), TWO divas matches, and a whole lot more.

With Summerslam approaching, the need for some good old fashioned entertainment becomes more prevalent by the episode. Because who wants to watch a boring Summerslam? Nobody, that’s who.

Let’s find out if this is a Raw for the record books, or one to forget.

1. Daniel Bryan vs Ka OH PLEASE DON’T DO THIS YOU GUYS JUST STAY FRIENDS or A BIG BOOT TO KANE

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Daniel Bryan vs Kane happened last night, and boy did this match not live up to my expectations.

I heart DB and Cuddly Kane, but Kane’s current wrestling doesn’t work for me.

Back when he was diabolical Kane throwing Rob Van Dam through walls and forcing Lita to marry him, he could do singles. But this is not that same Kane.

Something about him wrestling DB didn’t click with me despite the fact that this was THE match that I wanted to see. Perhaps Daniel moved too fast and it made Kane look slower and plodding by comparison? Perhaps.

Maybe Kane bring destroyed by The Wyatt Family a few more times will get my sympathy.

Speaking of the Wyatt’s. These people are something ELSE. From their entrance to the way they destroyed Kane, they sure know how to make a statement.

Another little thing I appreciate is the little touches given to the family to differentiate them from everyone else. When Bray screamed FOLLOW THE BUZZARDS and we got a quick flash of that sheep mask, then blackness, it reminded me why I love wrestling so much. Weird characters beating people and horror movie style fades to black make me SO HAPPY.

2. Is Fandango ever going to win a match?

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I would love to know the thinking behind having Fandango lose in the exact same way for weeks and how that equals entertaining. Because I don’t get it.

And no, FANDANGO IS A HEEL!!! is not an acceptable answer. Watching him lose by count out once or twice was fine. But this recent losing streak is on Groundhog Day levels of ridiculous. He’s been doing the same exact thing for weeks, and it’s getting old.

The Fandango character is hilarious and can do silly. For example: Why is Fandango not giving dance lessons to unsuspecting superstars? (Damien Sandow?)
Literally, someone should do something wrong, have to report to GM Maddox, and have their punishment be Fandango dancing lessons with him constantly berating that superstar for not doing the moves to his standards.

Also, I’m SHOCKED that Summer Rae hasn’t provided some kind of distraction that allows her to SASHAY away like she was too busy dancing to be grabbing anything or distracting anybody.

So. Less pointless Fandango countouts, more backstage fans lessons and Summer Rae sashay, please.

3. AJ finally gets her hands on Dolph.

AJDOLPH2

And, for lack of a better term, who gives a shit?

This whole thing with AJ and Dolph is really bugging me. AJ is our Diva’s champion who reduced Kaitlyn to a sobbing mess and made Kaitlyn so angry that she still can’t get it together enough to do anything besides spear AJ on site. This same AJ ran into a match FOR NO REASON, and got her sweaty bodyguard DQ’ed. What?

So, the AJ that singlehandedly took out her former best friend is now a mess over Dolph and cannot come up with a way to one up him?

Seems Legit.

In any event, is a good thing that AJ will soon be pair….. Oh. That’s a spoiler. Never mind.

4. CODY, DAMN YOU!

Damien Sandow


Reasons number 1 and 2 for why I love Damien Sandow so much.

5. The Bella’s win using a KAZOO BAH GAWD.

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While I normally can’t wait to rip something I hate in this show into tiny verbal shreds, there wasn’t much to hate about Brie Bella vs Natalya. Brie managed to pull out a decent match. She really showed some spunk in this match, and that effort deserves to be acknowledged.

But, we have to talk about the Kazoo. When I first saw it last night, I was annoyed and wanted a better finish. But let’s all take a moment to remember that we got two diva matches on Raw, and that the success of Total Divas means that we might see more diva action of this type in future shows. That is not annoying.

Let’s also take a moment to remember that this match had Natalya wrestling, and her farting or awkwardly dancing with Khali. Win!

6. Cocky Daniel Bryan?

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With everyone and Vince McMahon doubting the capability of Daniel Bryan, he’s got more to prove than ever. But a Daniel Bryan chasing a belt will only make that eventually victory that much sweeter.

I know people think that Daniel may lose at Summerslam, but I am hoping beyond hope that he wins. He is beyond deserving of a championship, can carry it well, and he’s believable in just about everything he’s done in his career.

But after Ryback vs John from yesterday, I still have my reasons for doubting John will lose.

Raw in general: While this show didn’t have Brock Lesnar, I still enjoyed it. Not as much as previous shows, but there’s enough action in this episode to keep me satisfied until next week.

But as we move closer to Summerslam, things should be kicked up a notch. There’s only twenty or so days left until we get there!

And those are your Monday lessons. Stay tuned to Absolute Smark for more wrestling goodness through the week.

Until next time.